I am waiting right now. Yes waiting to wish someone happy birthday, the state of my mind being, I am in a dilemma to wish her or not, still I don’t want to take any chances. So HER in the story is a friend that has happened to become really special. I really do a lot of talking with her. From a reference of those talking, I am realizing the fact that I should wish her tonight when the clock really says, “F**k you! It’s time for some action”. Now here I am, lost, wondering what to do right now?? When I look at the future (being after an hour) it will be after a long wait of dizziness when you call her, yet trying to be anxious because it is her birthday after all. You are doubtful if she will reply to you in a happy manner, because everything you have been trying to manage for her, to do is just finding its way into the sink lately. The area of concern lies whether or not to wait anymore and try to wish her at the time or just keep it simple the day that follows after the sun arises! The fact being it is unpredictable if she will be happy enough to take my wish or will be busy talking to someone else. It is quite simple though nobody expects me on the day they are happy.
See I am this cursed being on the earth whom people miserably remember the time their life is fucked up. I have no choice attending to them with all I have. It has become my thing lately, the ultimate cause of my existence. Though I frame it quite in a filthy way, it will seem a lot better when you realize that it is a great gift if you are able to make someone happy. When people feel deeply agitated with their life’ problem and seek some happiness if you are the provider it will give you kind of a Well Done pat on your back.
Birthdays, these are never quite the days for me. Truly nobody gives a shit about mine; you had always been asking what a normal person will ask for his birthday, a CAKE. Yes, a f**king good looking cake, there is no interest in eating that pile of s***, just that someone has paid off some money to make someone write patiently your name on it very attractively. Waiting for your knife to cut it in little pieces for yourself and others, while they yell your name out loud to make you embarrassed, happy, top of the world for just a day in the world where nobody cares, they just pretend to care for you for a little while so that you can be happy. After all it is the day you have gotten into this world. Each time I feel, I never did that! Not even a single time I remember to have seen my name made with colored icing sugar. The days of school passed, the college went away, NEVER.
I am really getting bored to do anything right now but to wait for this day to end and to see how the following day comes to me as.