Craziest Possible Head: March 2021

Wednesday, 31 March 2021

Thought Record - (31-03-2021)

Date & Time | Situation | Thoughts | Emotions | Physiological Reactions | Behavioral | Alternative Response | Outcomes |

____________________________________________________________________________________

Cognitive Realisation and Upliftments

This blog corresponds to the reactions and more reasonable thinking of my thoughts. This is a how-to guide, which will allow me to re-verify the thoughts and act and analyze accordingly.

No Motivation to Work - -

No, I have got a good appraisal, I got Bonuses beyond my pay.
My Boss's behavior had been good to me

I do not have bipolar, I might have occasional mood swings
No episodes of mania, non-Euphoric, No high energy levels.
Major Depression Episodes. Dysthymia (depression crossing more than 2 years). Persistent Depression.
Weed - - SUBSTANCE ABUSE
I was asked If I feel

HOPELESSNESS
WORTHLESSNESS
HELPLESSNESS

The environment within me differs a lot concerning the environment outside of me.
I am Happier in this current job.
To avoid the symptoms of Depression I have been using SUBSTANCE.
Weed has elevated the symptom, but it is not the only cause.
Weed is keeping it persistent.
PREPAREDNESS
I cannot be prepared for everything the great example is COVID- I was not prepared, Most of the world was not prepared still, we are managing to deal with it.
To create the Thought Record.

1330,29/03/21 | I was lying down scrolling FB | Imaginary, I am not been able to understand what my parents are feeling, Thought of If I will be able to live with my parents | Confused Scared to face | | |

0930,30/03/21 | Making Dosa | Happened through the work, It did not take proper shape | Restless, Angry, Not Satisfied, Failed attempt scenario | Increased Heart Rate, Body temperature increased | Shared It with a friend when he explained how it did not take shape for him at his first try and then after some point of time, they were able to make it. |

Strengths:

Good with Logic.
Learning skills through practices.
Trying to find solutions.
Started with Strength.
Problem Solver.
Avoiding conflicts and arguments.

Weakness:

Get distracted, GIve up quickly, Unpreparedness.
Not a good decision-maker.

Therapy :

Other things:

Committed to competitive programming.
Reading other Books.
Pending office work.

How I felt at that time?

Worried - 85%

Sad - 80%

Motivation Loss - 90%

Anxious - 60%

I was asked to add two more columns:

Alternate Response | Outcome |

Alternative Response for the above scenario is:

There is no such evidence that I lost so much time, there is still time left.
I can still read them.
If I put in a few more hours, I can still finish what I Think I lost.
I can divide my time on this.
Monitor my activity, Schedule my day's activity
By giving some more time, I could regain by giving few more hours.
I did not waste money I got them with the good intention of reading, I am slow but I am reading them.

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS :

Overexaggerated

Overgeneralization -

I draw a general conclusion based on a small amount of evidence, for example (I already lost time)
I did not waste money, I haven't lost them or burnt them, I still possess them.

Selective Abstraction -

I paid attention to the negative aspects of the situation instead of considering the entire exp[erience of reading -- (Overgeneralization)

I should read more often :

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS:

Imperative

Rigidity

Should / Must statements.

Unreasonably rigid idea how I or others should / must behave.
Reading is my hobby, I will do it when I find the time.
I should not be always doing my absolute best.
Nobody is perfect, I have my UPs and DOWNs.
For my happy survivals, I would enjoy what I am doing other than MECHANICAL / CALCULATING
I would be enjoying my reading other than being strict/rigid and mechanical.
Not completing the essay, rather than understanding and applying it to myself.
Reading has to be a hobby, not monotonous, It should be taken as a hobby

Outcome:

Alternate Thoughts (imaginary/real)

Contradictory to what I actually want/need from life. Truly want in life.

After these How do I feel now???

Worried - 0%

Sad - 0%

Motivation Loss - 0%

Anxious - 0%

I will try to break down the mental and actual events into my thought record.
Questions to help me compose an alternative response?

WHENEVER I NOTICE MY MOOD GETTING WORSE -

I should be asking myself:

What is going through my mind RIGHT NOW?
What was I thinking A MOMENT AGO?
What just CROSSED MY MIND?

AUTOMATIC THOUGHTS: most of them are automatic.

Cognitive Distortions I made.
Evidence that automatic thoughts are true or not true.
Is there an Alternative response or explanation to this?
WHAT IS THE BEST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
WHAT IS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?
COULD I LIVE THROUGH THIS?
What is the most realistic outcome?
What is the effect of my believing the automatic thought? (PSYCHOLOGICAL/EMOTIONAL)
What could be the effect of changing my thinking?

I HAVE TO BE VERY SPONTANEOUS WITH THE RESPONSES

What should I do about it?
If my BEST FRIEND was in the situation what would I tell him/her?
I have to be very clear about what I think and what I feel. They are different.

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS:

ALL OR NOTHING THINKING:

I see things in Black and White, Example - I have to do a great job on everything else I am a loser. I have to do everything perfectly.

FORTUNE TELLING:

Negative predictions on what will happen when other outcomes are likely. Example - I will have trouble completing a book or office-work or pending-work, etc.

LABELLING:

the globally negative label on myself. Example - I am a failure for making a mistake.

EMOTIONAL REASONING:

I believe something must be true because it feels true but actually may be different. Example - I must be incompetent or less competent.

SELECTIVE ABSTRACTION:

I pay attention to only negative abstractions, instead of entire events.

OVERGENERALIZATION:

MIND READING:

What others are thinking about me.

PERSONALISATION:

I take others' actions very personally when the intentions are different. Example - They did that to me on purpose, They wanted this to happen, They wanted to see my downfall.

IMPERATIVE:

How others must or should behave with me. I should learn to let go of SHOULD/MUST statements.

MAGNIFICATION of negative and MINIMIZATION of positive

I exaggerate the negative and minimize the positive. I should apply the memory in a very very good way. Logic and Common Sense must go hand in hand.

CATASTROPHISING

I feel the things will eventually end up in catastrophe.

ALL in ALL the session was amazing 😊 and pretty much insightful and great, I actually felt really really happy after realizing what and moreover how I should be feeling about the things.

Wednesday, 17 March 2021

I was screen-guard

To be specific :

I was TOUGH LEE Tempered Glass Screen Guard for Apple iPhone 11, Apple iPhone XR (Black) Edge to Edge Full Screen Coverage. TOUGH LEE Tempered Glass Screen Guard for her Edge to Edge Full Screen Coverage Gorilla Protector with Easy Installation Kit; Pack of 1 for her

She fell so much she suffered so much she needed a Tempered glass for her, I was just that But I was not that good(It's my mistake, I was supposed to be good enough that she did not have to go to the market to protect her---), so I couldn't stay with her for the whole time till she had left to respected by others again :) :) Bless you...

I was nothing but a Tempered glass to you...

I was so bad a piece, I had another chance to be back-- but yes (NOT THE WAY I AM -- SHATTERED)

You have already crushed yourself, Its time to rise like a phoenix from the ashes from the dead------

You shattered me so much that you had to replace me but you still loved me, maybe because you were just too bored to go to the market and just change it...

When you got a new tempered glass

Sunday, 14 March 2021

High Times 13-3-21

This day marked as a day of the reunion, meeting an old friend after a long time. I had to meet A (L) as we called them because once when we were kids he gold bald for some reason and we started calling him Lalit.

Coming to the day, a few days back we decided we would smoke up and have some fun, Hence Morning I decided to take the scooter to his place, as Car may turn up to be difficult to drive. So morning planned was 9 to 9-30, But anyways we delayed a little bit and moved it to 10 am, I had been waiting for A to get ready so that I would reach to him when we are both ready, I did not want to get inside his house or talk to anybody from his house.

First Joint

We started saying it been a long time since we met and how cool it is to meet again, and he showed me a way to go to the school playground, that place is still a charm, we went there, and there was a joint already rolled in his pockets, he lit it and we smoked it up till the end of the joint, the joint was hard enough, I started to cough a little and threw out the last 2 cms of it while smoking there were some sounds from the school windows and even the computer class window opened and a had come out with a tiffin box to throw the food, we remarked that Kabuli and probably some people have started living in school, and how nice they must be having sex on any classroom they want.

Fitness Park

We started from school, I was riding then I asked If for today I can call him Lalit, He was alright with it as we gave some reasons that Boys will behave this way, then I told I am doing this only because we are high today. Then we went to the fitness part and found a nice bench to sit down for quite some time, planned for Dahi bara aludum and then started talking talked and talked about how life was and has been doing then we were quite happy how we ended up.

Discussed how he ended up getting married. We talked about jobs, what he is doing with his life, and more things that will get added to this part, this is a longer phase. While we were talking we saw two people felling down from the bike and we started laughing. We then went to Bethany to urinate it was a dirt bike experience, the scooter slid off a couple of times, still, we managed to get out, I peed in the jungle.

Rising Field Gupchup

We then moved to the gupchup stall on the way we saw our old teacher standing outside her house, we were not dressed properly or in a great state to go and talk to her so we ignored and moved. There we waited as already people were waiting in front of the stall, then some people went away and we started with 1 half plate mitha gupchup, then he made us taste gupchup water, it was out of the world. Absolutely delightful, our heads opened up and we were ready for the gupchup for all the water. Then started gupchup, oh god, oh my god, the guchup tasted out of the world we had 1 portion of gupchup each and had 1 full mitha gupchup he gave 1 small cup of mitha paani too, that was hillarious as well. We had that and immediately went to school again to crush again.

School 2nd Joint

We landed up in school again on the way took cigarettes to mix, Lalit possesses the superior power of rolling joint fast and with one hand, that was the lightning-speed transaction. We smoked the next joint and I noticed a guy in a blue shirt may be watching us, then I told Lalit about it, and immediately we left.

2nd High Time

Then we moved to fitness park again, There we saw an acupressure pathway, that was okay halfway while going one way and while ending one way and returning Oh god it was painful it surely makes the whole body active, we returned and walked all the way towards the end of the park and saw a nice bench where a kid was sitting, we planned to sit just in front of him to make him uncomfortable and let him walk away, he surely got irritated and moved away, we suddenly went and sat on the bench again. Again discussed a lot of life and all about our startup idea Aludum Dahibara, The idea of giving out Hygenic aludum dahibara, plan was to take blessings of existing people and giving out shares of our firm to them as a token of respect, An attempt to take the business international and many more steps ahead, we need capital and cooks for that even a specific recipe too. Then we dropped talking about it. Our focus changed to having something to drink.

Ambagan Lassi

We went to Ambagan as directed by Lalit, that was some good Lassi, The shopkeeper gave out in earthen pots, we were so happy to have them we had 2 Lassi each. Then started out for the next adventure, we planned to go for Sector 8 area.

Sector 8 Area

We rode till Sector 8 in ring road, then moved inside towards Green park and the side road, some people were coming out and staring, then we started to get into the place Lalit was talking about, We moved further and further then saw a bunch of people having some fun, but I became uncomfortable and we got away from there, Then thought of going to the Jubilee Park, that was not nice enough. It was all under the sun and hot.

Jubilee Part

We went there sat under the right side mushroom shed for some time, then went out to buy a bottle of water and again we got inside to the end part we relaxed there for some time, He went on to talk over the phone for some time then we moved to Chennd.

Chennd

Here we had the rabdi, that bad bad rabdi still we finished it. We had cigarettes and tea. We went to the market to enquire about tea before and then had tea and smoke there by the side of the road. We decided to go to Jubilee park but took a turn and went near the river.

Koel River Bank

It was a good place, we went there bypassing a proper village, and had the stuff parked the vehicle atop and went a little down to have some more, Lalit yet again rolled the joint like never before. We smoked and while smoking we felt we didn't get high But we got a good high.

Back to Chennd

Then we saw the momo stall, it said it will give out after some 20 minutes, then we went back to market had Hot Hot wada and kachori and piaji, all were fantastic, then reached the momo stall, the momos were different of the kind, so so good... We had steamed chicken momos, then fried chicken momos, then grilled chicken everything was super good. I am going to the back again after 1-week definitely. We then decided to go through sector 6.

Ending the day

But again decided to visit the old man's shop at Sector 20 Building Market, That guy was sweet, asked me to keep the helmet in his place. Then I dropped Lalit for the day at the end of the lane, then I came back home.

WHAT A DAY!!!

We should have faith that however bad your days must be going, You should be patient that again at some point you are going to have loads of fun. I had a lot of Fun. I have decided to go for a similar trip after 50 days and till then-No cheating to myself.

No Masturbation

No Cannabis
No Outside Junk

No Overeating

No Overthinking

Work. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Read Magazines. - - - - - - - - - - - -

Do Competitive programming. - - -