I am waiting right now. Yes waiting to wish someone
happy birthday, the state of my mind being, I am in a dilemma to wish her or
not, still, I don’t want to take any chances. So HER in the story is a friend
that has happened to become really special. I really do a lot of talking with
her. From a reference of those talking, I am realizing the fact that I should
wish her tonight when the clock really says, “F**k you! It’s time for some
action”. Now here I am, lost, wondering what to do right now?? When I look at
the future (being after an hour) it will be after a long wait of dizziness when
you call her, yet trying to be anxious because it is her birthday after all. You
are doubtful if she will reply to you in a happy manner because everything you
have been trying to manage for her, to do is just finding its way into the sink
lately. The area of concern lies whether or not to wait anymore and try to wish
her at the time or just keep it simple the day that follows after the sun
arises! The fact being it is unpredictable if she will be happy enough to take
my wish or will be busy talking to someone else. It is quite simple though
nobody expects me on the day they are happy.
See I am this cursed being on the earth whom people
miserably remember the time their life is fucked up. I have no choice attending
to them with all I have. It has become my thing lately, the ultimate cause of
my existence. Though I frame it quite in a filthy way, it will seem a lot
better when you realize that it is a great gift if you are able to make someone
happy. When people feel deeply agitated with their life’s problem and seek some
happiness if you are the provider it will give you kind of a Well Done pat on
your back.
Birthdays, these are never quite the days for me.
Truly nobody gives a shit about mine; you had always been asking what a normal
person will ask for his birthday, a CAKE. Yes, a f**king good looking cake,
there is no interest in eating that pile of s***, just that someone has paid off
some money to make someone write patiently your name on it very attractively. Waiting for your knife to cut it in little
pieces for yourself and others, while they yell your name out loud to make you embarrassed,
happy, top of the world for just a day in the world where nobody cares, they
just pretend to care for you for a little while so that you can be happy. After
all, it is the day you have gotten into this world. Each time I feel, I never
did that! Not even a single time I remember to have seen my name made with
colored icing sugar. The days of school passed, the college went away, NEVER.
I am really getting bored to do anything right now
but to wait for this day to end and to see how the following day comes to me
as.
Naba
